Junior Inquisitor

Junior Inquisitor

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Literary Swordsmanship


Howdy everyone, I hope this crazy weather has at least amused you. I recently got to enjoy some ‘mandatory fun’ as we call in in the military aka a family vacation. Despite colds, coughs, and runny noses, the family and In-laws went down to Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg VA. Much fun was had. Little Girl learned how to howl and the proper way to ambush prey.
 
Why can't I wear my ears to swim?
Hungry Like The Wolf
The unnamed horror novel continues to chug along, I expect in another month or so to wrap up the first draft. Then comes the pain, editing.
 
Literary Swordsmanship
Steve Wetherell wrote one of the best blog posts I have read to date on what it takes to be a success as an Indie Author. Feel free to check it out, https://www.undergroundbookreviews.org/the-seven-vital-virtues-of-indie-author-success/
and then take his points to heart, before you take a point to the heart. Don’t believe literary duels happen? Feel free to check into the death of Christopher Marlowe. Chris was a literary bad-ass, but no match for Bubonic Bill. There’s a reason we read Shakespeare 400 years after his death.

It's true, in darkened, rain-soaked alleys, behind hotels hosting various conventions, authors fight to the death to absorb each other’s literary powers. These duels, known by all but rarely discussed occur almost every weekend. The victor fights their way up the ladder of success until they leave behind the blood-soaked arena of Indie authordom and goes legit.

Suddenly contracts appear, movie deals are discussed, and groupies gush. Those left behind gnash their teeth, sharpen their weapons, and look for their opportunity to ascend. Which is why legit authors get a posse.
Stephen King and Posse, 1985
Who should you monitor, what will they use to rend your body and steal your literary mojo? Keep reading my friends, keep reading.

Emersen Lee, the Booted Bandit, is adorable sized, at 61 inches.
Smile = Death is coming
Do not, however, let her diminutive size, fool you. A vicious kick- boxer, and mistress of the Kris blades, she will give you an impish smile as she slides them between your ribs and drains you of literary talent. Read her book and her WIPs to gain understanding of how to avoid the Smiling Imp of Death - https://emersenlee.wordpress.com/

Emily Kaplan, the Terror of Illinois, also hovers at the ‘just over five-foot’ mark.
Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry
Formerly a frequently user of the blowgun of death, Emily has recently changed things up, and become - enhanced. When angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs, the creature is driven by rage, and has been known to flip cars, pummel 70s street gangs, and make nosy investigative journalists fly.
Now Emily uses a chopping cleaver to slice and dice her prey. Approach with extreme caution and only in a non-threatening manner. Complementing her on her books (found here along with a blog and t-shirts) - http://justtheemwords.com/
may prevent you from being gored on her tusks as she screams “Waaagh!” while tearing you limb from limb.

Laurie Vincent, Deadly Red,
I'll will go DEVO on you.
like most redheads, and all cats, likes to toy with her food. In this case, she packs a one-two combination that has devastated many authors. Renown for her whip work, Laurie, wears down her opponent with a ten foot bull whip, until he or she is a quivering mound of flesh. Daintily, she stalks closer to the soon to be former author, and slides in a stiletto for the kill. Sad fact of life, most of you can’t handle a redhead and the tale of Laurie should only reinforce that truth. Still if you’re foolish enough to seek a challenge, go here to learn what you need to know- https://www.amazon.com/Laurie-Vincent/e/B00L0CMB7C/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1406992026&sr=8-1
Laurie’ll make you laugh, weep, shout for joy and then with a swift stab take it all away from you.

 

Adam Dreece, The Man Who Purged Dundas Harbor, is a Canadian.
Try not to bleed on me as you die, eh?
Like all Canadians, including my cousins, he loves Cricket, and a polite literary exsanguination, with a spot of tea. Well trained in the use of a sabre, Adam has cut down many a foolish upstart author. All with a polite yawn, and perhaps a helpful criticism or two. Being the consummate gentleman that he is, he not only has a website where you can begin to stalk him, but his books are prominently featured as well. It is recommended you read everything he has written before you drop a challenge. Also, get your will in order  -  http://adamdreece.com/

 
Janey Mack, The Irish Terror of Arizona, is smart, fast, and has a dazzling smile of death.
Oh honey, you're too pretty to die today.
As you can guess, Janey likes to use a rapier, and talks smack to her opponents. As fast as her blade is, it is rumored that she has slain just as many with her sharp tongue, Oscar Wilde style. If you’re feeling daring, Janey’s contributions to literary excellence can be found here -  http://www.janeymack.com/
Further warning, she’s gone legit, she’s got mad skills and won’t hesitate to draw blood.

 
Ken Lange, Mr. Silent but Deadly, the Stench of Orleans,
Go away kid, you're bothering me
prefers a straight bladed katana to dispatch the annoying. Solitary, fierce, grumpy, and not afraid to lay a smack down on fools, Ken prefers the One Clean Cut of Death, which involves removing the liver via the left eye socket. If you dare, book, t-shirts and information can be found here, just hang on to your liver - https://www.kenlangeauthor.com/
 

Rick Gualtieri, The Jersey Devil,
So damn hot my hair melted!
was once a dual-hatted author/ regular job holder, but thanks to his prodigious work, and sublime sword skills, he now holds the master rank of AUTHOR. Always ready with a smile, and snarky joke, Rick uses a Bastard sword, not because it’s best tool available, but because he gets to say “Bastard” a lot. If you’re dumb enough to face him, expect to hear about your lack of sexual prowess, several negative comparisons to sexual reproductive organs, scatological references, and ultimately laughter as you bleed out. Gather information, and read his books by going here -
http://rickgualtieri.com/
Gird your loins, death awaits those who are underprepared.

 
Wrap-up
And there you have it a short reference to those who have made it, and those on the way up. Why some are destined for literary greatness, and others to the bargain bin of the dollar store. Let us not forget that swordsmanship by itself will not get you that three movie deal, one must also be able to string together sentences and tell a tale that amazes. That’s takes work and inspiration. Lastly, hire an editor!

What’s that?

What do I use when dueling?

Growing up I had to learn to use both hands for certain jobs. I do have a wild and uninhibited streak. I’ve been known to wear naught but a kilt and gas mask for casual Friday (pro tip: don’t do that, HR gets all kinds of stupid). My mad skills allowed me to tame a wild redhead. Put that all together along with my sanguis nature and I use a SOG tomahawk in one hand and a Bowie knife in the other. You've been warned.
 
 
Want to know more about me via my works?
Ears burning?
Demons whispering madness?
Block the crazy with Junior Inquisitor, now an audio book
Junior Inquisitor Audible
Want to read in the old fashioned way?
Click on the links and enjoy.
FREE! FREE! FREE! FREE!
Get it free here - Goth Witch of Philly
 
Junior Inquisitor Book One  


  
Soulless Monk Book Two  
 Smashwords - https://goo.gl/NXw3Gr
Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/5lCyaX
 
The Witch’s Lair Book Three 
Smashwords - https://goo.gl/MokJnC 
 Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/mJtTf8 
 
The Vampire of Rome Book Four
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

A Girl Named Watson, and a nearly completed work with no title


Okay I may be exaggerating a bit, I’m at 37,000-ish words on my new novel. Which makes it more like 2/3rds done, so by the end of March I should be close, if not done. Now all I need is a title. And an edit or three.

What is this literary masterpiece all about you ask?

Oh, well. It’s more horror than I usually do, Cthulhu mythos, with a 17-year-old protagonist, who’s trying to stop cheerleaders from being sacrificed to the Old Gods and can’t seem to find a date for Prom.

I’ve really enjoyed writing it so far. I post updates every now and then on FB, so if you’re really interested https://www.facebook.com/lincoln.farish.7.

Will Kevin finally get a date for prom?    Not telling.

Will cheerleaders stop dying?                    Perhaps.

Will the finale be a mix of John Woo and The Red Wedding? - Oh yea!

I dislike Romance, the authors are very nice people for the most part, fantastic even. Many have helped me understand the book biz, but the genre itself does little for me. So when my friend Emersen Lee put out her book of shorts, A Girl Named Watson, I was a bit nervous about opening it up and reading. I was wrong.

Amazon - A Girl Named Watson


A Girl Named Watson Review

Emersen Lee weaves a series of stories about realistic love. Not the stereo-typically chubby, mid-thirties, woman of failed relationships and an emotional baggage train a mile long that only the Alpha-Bear of the He-Man Were-Bear Shifter League can fulfill. No, Emersen looks at our base natures and the attempts to banish loneliness, even if just for a while. She writes with a deft pen, plumbing the depths of the solitary ache that is life with-out love. There no purity of the character's souls intertwining in a match made in heaven nonsense; this is the relationship dance we see every day in friends, relatives, and sometimes, ourselves. The potential train-wreck that we cannot look away from, fascinated, revolted, and sure that it will come to disaster in the end. There is truth in her words, the heart wants what the heart wants, even if the relationship is bad long-term, even if it means a summer fling, even it means disappointment in the end.
 
 

Amazon - A Girl Named Watson

 
There is a rawness, an underlying sadness, a hint that things will not workout, that 'all you need is love' is the trite slogan of thirteen-year-olds’, not a reality in her stories.
After that Emersen goes into describing what in means to wear clothes that may look great but try to kill the owner in the hot humid days of Summer.


Amazon - A Girl Named Watson

If you want 'happily ever after' fluff, to soothe your delicate sensibilities, there is a whole range of bear-romance available. If you want to know the pain of being alone, and the desperate measure humans will go to feel wanted, I highly recommend this book.

 
Author Interview with Emersen Lee

Emersen Lee
 
 
Would you call A Girl Named Watson romance or something else?

Lol...A Girl Named Watson is the furthest thing from romance. It has elements of love in it, but at the crux of all the shorts is the fickleness and the cruelty of the human heart.  We fall in and out of love. We take our partners for granted for whatever reason, and then we remember why we loved them in the first place.  By the time that realization comes up, sometimes it's too late. The loss felt on all sides is defining and rather life altering.
Is there a sub category for satire of the heart?

Do you write in any other genre?
Urban thriller with focus on the wars in the Middle East. 

When did you start to write A Girl Named Watson one and why?
I wrote Watson for a friend who was going through a hard time last year.  It started as labor of love to cheer him up and ended up being a full blow short story. I gave him the happily ever after he wanted. 

What's next for you in writing?
Political satire with Washington DC being the star.

Preview of your next book or series?
https://emersenlee.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/the-consulate-has-fallen/

When will it be available?
 Hopefully mid spring!

Emersen Lee

Where to find her -


Just in case you haven’t heard, I have a few books and stories you might want to take a look at -

Ears burning?
Demons whispering madness?
Block the crazy with Junior Inquisitor, now an audio book
Junior Inquisitor Audible
Want to read in the old fashioned way?
Click on the links and enjoy.
FREE! FREE! FREE! FREE!
Get it free here - Goth Witch of Philly
 
Junior Inquisitor Book One  


  
Soulless Monk Book Two  
 Smashwords - https://goo.gl/NXw3Gr
Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/5lCyaX
 
The Witch’s Lair Book Three 
Smashwords - https://goo.gl/MokJnC 
 Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/mJtTf8 
 
The Vampire of Rome Book Four
 
 

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Women in Horror Month, and other scary things


Welcome once again everyone. Here in the DC region, the weather has been horrific (sorry, not sorry) and temperatures are in the 70s. In February. I hope it stays this way, and is not a cruel week or two of hope before the area becomes a frozen wasteland once again.

I continue to bang away on the keyboard, getting about 1K of words knocked out daily. Currently I am working on a new horror series, and I think it’s going well. Really enjoyed writing the gun fight in the parking garage last night. Let us hope it survives editing.

As you can see I had some help, and inspiration this weekend with my writing. And no the porch is still not quite done. Grrrr
Where are the Cenobites Daddy?
Speaking of women in horror, have I got a treat for you – It women in Horror Month, and I, in my own small way am helping a bit. Ladies, take it away

 Suzie Lockhart

Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/Suzie-Lockhart/e/B00DTIG29I
Convinced she was destined to be an artist, Suzie Lockhart attended The Art Institute of Pittsburgh after graduating high school, but the gnawing urge to write remained with her. She originally wanted to write romance novels, but after discovering the innate ability to tell chilling tales, Suzie embraced her inner-creepiness.

When I saw ‘Scary Confessions’ as a possible topic for WiHM, my inner voice prompted me to let her out of the cage I keep her in.

The prospect of letting Inner Voice out was a very frightening one, indeed…the one rattling around inside my skull isn’t akin to the one that prompts Anastasia Steele to explore tawdry sexual encounters with Christian Grey.

Well, not usually.

My inner voice is more likely to encourage me to make the fast food employee, who really pissed me off because she can’t count change without the assistance of the cash register, or the driver who nearly hit my car because he was in such a hurry to get to wonderland, pay. Make them pay, she hisses. (And trust me, my fellow writers, she does not need an ‘S’ word to hiss…)

Make. Them. Pay.

“C’mon,” I argue, “she’s just a kid. I mean, they aren’t even teaching cursive writing in school these days, let alone how to count change!”

Then I feel bad, because I know a few teachers and I know they work hard.

I consider the young guy who cut me off earlier, driving a fancy sports car while talking on an expensive-looking cell phone. I decide to take a new approach.

“It’s the parents!” That is my next argument with Inner Voice. Now, I feel terrible for blaming teachers. I figure the kids can’t be held accountable for things they don’t know. We are still on the topic of the young girl who couldn’t count change. “They are too busy to help kids with their homework. And parents are spoiling kids rotten.”

Take that, Inner Voice.

Well shit. As I’m writing this, I realize I forgot to help my own kid with math homework. Did I remember the spelling test…? My eyes land on my little girl, sitting in the midst of her fancy dollhouse, surrounded by at least a hundred Monster High dolls.

Inner Voice smiles her delinquent smile.




Naching T. Kassa

Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/Naching-T-Kassa/e/B005ZGHTI0/
Naching T. Kassa is a wife, mother, and Horror Author. She is a member of the Horror Writers Association and a contributor to the Demonic Visions series.

The worst nightmare I ever had, the one that fuels my writing, is about a terrible and demonic creature. Even now, shivers crawl up and down my spine at the mere thought of it.

I was four when I had the dream and my older sister, who slept in the bunk bed above me, heard my cries. I tried to tell her what it was but she didn't quite understand so, she decided to draw a composite picture of it. I described it to her as follows.

"It had vampire teeth."

She drew them.

"And, eyes. Big eyes."

"What else?"

"It had wings."

"Ok. Like this?"

"Yes. It's body was made of bread. There was lettuce in the middle."

"It was a flying sandwich?"

"Yes."

Ok, so the first great fear of my life was a flying sandwich that wished to eat me. It made my heart jack-hammer, my pulse race, made me freeze as I tried not to be seen. It became the nightmare fodder and the mole hill from which my horror mountain grew. I'm grateful if a little confused by it.
 
It seems trivial compared to the fear out there now.

Website: http://frightenme.weebly.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/nachingkassa
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Naching-T-Kassa/e/B005ZGHTI0/





Very impressive. Check them out, read their work, and as always, leave a review.

Small confession time, I might have spent a bit more than I expected for Valentine’s Day for the Lovely Dr. Farish. As such I need to pay off some credit card bills before I’m once again the victim of Redhead Wrath.

So help a guy out, grab a few of my excellent books, and help me stay in my wife’s good graces.

Ears burning?
Demons whispering madness?
Block the crazy with Junior Inquisitor, now an audio book
Junior Inquisitor Audible
Want to read in the old fashioned way?
Click on the links and enjoy.
FREE
Get it free here - Goth Witch of Philly
 
Junior Inquisitor Book One  


  
Soulless Monk Book Two  
 Smashwords - https://goo.gl/NXw3Gr
Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/5lCyaX

  
The Witch’s Lair Book Three 
Smashwords - https://goo.gl/MokJnC 
 Inquisitor Series - http://goo.gl/mJtTf8
 
 
The Vampire of Rome Book Four